Coronavirus: My family was chosen for the government's COVID-19 survey. Here's what happened
Monday 11 May 2020 22:46, UK
"Sit really still, mouth wide open and say ahhhhh."
Simple enough unless you're three years old and your mum is prodding a long cotton bud at your tonsils to test for coronavirus - or "the horrible germ" as my daughter describes it.
Cue a lot of squirming, gagging and eventually bribery with chocolate. That seemed to do the trick.
Two weeks ago, we received a letter inviting us to take part in what Health Secretary Matt Hancock described as "vital research".
Conducted by the Office for National Statistics and the University of Oxford, the "COVID-19 Infection Survey" aims to find out how many people have the infection, or are likely to have had it, even if they hadn't realised it at the time.
In the first phase, 25,000 randomly selected people will undergo regular nose and throat swabs to check if the virus is present.
One thousand of the participants will also have blood tests to see if they have any antibodies - a sign of past infection.
The hope is to scale-up to 300,000 people by the end of the year, making it one of the biggest virus infection and antibody studies the UK has ever seen.
It is an important part of the national effort to tackle coronavirus, helping government scientists track its spread, and as a family we wanted to do our bit.
From a more selfish perspective we also hoped the regular tests would give us some clarity in these uncertain times and an idea of how we were affected - if at all.
I guess everybody else felt the same. Getting through by phone to confirm our interest took several attempts.
When we eventually did, we were told a healthcare professional would visit within a few days. The first week came and went and we heard nothing, then a second passed. I called the helpline to find out what was happening and was told there were delays due to a lack of test kits.
Then on Sunday evening, my phone rang and a nurse called Anna said she'd be round the following day to do our first tests.
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It was to be a non-contact visit so she would remain outside at all times and we would swab ourselves under her supervision.
At lunchtime, Anna came through the side gate into our garden, handed over the test kits and gave us our instructions.
I went first to show the children what would happen. The swab has to be brushed over the back of your throat where your tonsils are, then inside each nostril.
It's not painful but it is uncomfortable, making me retch and my eyes water.
My youngest child, Freya, bravely volunteered to go next.
We'd prepared her by using her pretend doctor kit beforehand, but she was a little confused as to why I was doing her test. "Mummy, you're not a doctor!"
Boys being boys, my two sons were fascinated by the idea of something being shoved up their noses when normally that would result in a telling-off.
At seven, Jack is old enough to understand why this is important. He thinks if he does it he might be able to see his grandparents again sooner.
Five-year-old brother Ollie, however, found it very distressing and swears he's never doing it again.
He'll have to get used to it, though, as we'll be tested weekly for the next month and then every month for a year - 16 tests in total.
Who could have anticipated a few months ago that this would become our new normal?