Phillip Schofield: 'My head's just as muddy as it was before I came out'
The TV presenter says he does not want to "hurt anyone anymore" and that he and his family were "finding our way".
Monday 19 October 2020 14:46, UK
Phillip Schofield has said his head is "just as muddy" as it was before he came out about his sexuality.
Earlier this year the TV presenter revealed he was gay during an episode of ITV's This Morning - shortly after releasing an emotional statement on his Instagram account.
Speaking on Fearne Cotton's Happy Place podcast, he said he still lacked clarity about his sexual identity, even since going public months ago.
"I'm still learning what effects that has on my life and the life of those around me," he said.
"Do I know who I am? No. I think if I'm honest, looking you right in the eye now, I'd say I'm still pretty confused."
The 58-year-old said his "head's just as muddy as it was before" but said he felt "no shame" and was "proud of who I am".
He added: "I'm happy with who I am, I'm not happy with the damage it causes."
Schofield told Cotton that he previously saw two psychiatrists and one psychologist to help him come to terms with his sexual identity, but said he struggled with the experience.
He said psychiatry "is not for me… I didn't necessarily get much out of that".
"I just remember… 'your hour is up'," he added.
"I have stripped myself totally bare, I am weeping, my face is blotchy, I have red eyes and your time is up and the next thing you know you're out on the street."
Cotton's podcast focuses on how and where to find happiness - and Schofield said, for him, that was talking about - and coming to terms with - what he was going through.
"If there is something in your head that is tripping you up you can't fix it on your own, you've got to talk to somebody," he said.
"That was the hardest thing for me, to admit that actually… I need to say this out loud… it's not something I can deal with myself. You've got to seek help."
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The ITV presenter has two grown-up daughters - Molly and Ruby - with his wife Steph.
He told Cotton that he does not know "what my future is", but added: "I know that I don't want to hurt anyone anymore than I've already hurt them, but I also know that we are, us four, the same but different, and we're finding our way."